Just Try Voting Here!

Mother Jones has an excellent article online about why we can't allow poor people or black people (and especially not poor, black people) to vote. Other undesirables include "Native" Americans, students, liberals, felons, and pretty much anyone else not registered GOP. Excellent reading for membeers of the upper party eager to learn how we're keeping our country under our heel.

No... wait... on closer examination, this appears to be muckraking attempting to expose The Ministry's attempts to control voting in Murrka™. Do NOT reward them with click-throughs! Anything they write is Goldstein-esque lies worthy of Osama's propaganda machine!

Hilarious Re-enactment of Helen Thomas by Faux News

Why doesn't the Left Wing of the Islamo-Fascist Democrat Party see the pure humor in mocking a reporter who dares challenge the White House Press Mouthpiece? Probably because they're factually tendidious (see the video to get that one).

Mother Jones Twists History Again

Sigh.

It seems certain elements in our culture can't seem to understand that the President is a good man who invaded Iraq and destroyed Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction. They want to believe otherwise and they're willing to twist history to do so. Look at this astoundingly HUGE timeline of out-of-context quotes that liberal newsrag "Mother Jones" has accumulated purporting to show that the Bush Administration deliberately mislead America to start an unnecessary war... they even have the nerve to call it Lie By Lie. Disgusting what some people will stoop to.

Pakistan Employs New Tactic In Terror War

No, it's NOT surrender!

Osama bin Laden, America's most wanted man, will not face capture in Pakistan if he agrees to lead a "peaceful life," Pakistani officials tell ABC News.

The surprising announcement comes as Pakistani army officials announced they were pulling their troops out of the North Waziristan region as part of a "peace deal" with the Taliban.

If he is in Pakistan, bin Laden "would not be taken into custody," Major General Shaukat Sultan Khan told ABC News in a telephone interview, "as long as one is being like a peaceful citizen."

To insinuate that our staunch ally in the Global War On Terror (GWOT) is in actuality one of our enemies would mean admitting that Pakistan cannot be trusted with their nuclear bomb. Sure, there's lots of evidence showing that the head of the Pakistani Secret Intelligence Services funneled $100,000 to Mohammed Atta, leader of the 9/11 attackers, but that's just hearsay and was fully investigated by the 9/11 commission, right? Oh, sure, it wasn't even mentioned in the 9/11 Report, but who could expect them to rule out everything?

Well, it doesn't matter, anyway, The Pakistani general in charge has recanted and rescinded his earlier statements.

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan — Pakistan's top army spokesman on Wednesday vehemently denied saying in a news report that Usama bin Laden would not be taken into custody if he agreed to live peacefully in Pakistan.

"This is absolutely fabricated, absurd. I never said this," Maj. Gen. Shaukat Sultan told The Associated Press, referring to an ABC News broadcast aired hours earlier.

[...]

Sultan told the AP by phone that "what they are saying on Usama is absolutely fabricated."

"Pakistan is committed to its policy on the war on terror, and Usama, caught anywhere in Pakistan, would be brought to justice," he said.

Asked for a response, Jeffrey Schneider, senior vice president of ABC News, told the AP by phone, "We simply played his comments as we recorded them."

So there, UnAmericans, proof that Pakistan is our staunch ally and everyone in their country is 100% behind America.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

We at the Ministry have surveilled these scientists, and we've determined that far from undermining the Theory of Intelligent Design, the linked information merely reinforces it. True, monkeys, like infant hunans, learn by imitation, but that just proves that the Intelligent Designer (whoever He is, and no, we're not implying He is God, so this is science and not religion, no, seriously! Stop Laughing, dammit!) had some leftover designs after finishing the perfect beings that are humans. Researchers at the University of Parma can make as many faces at newborn macaques as they like, but when those macaques respond in kind they're just proving the old saying "monkey see, monkey do." To imply that that this kind of imitation has a purpose as a form of social learning, is ridiculous in the extreme, as is the scientists' assertion that it "evolved" more than 25 million years before the monkey ancestors diverged from the human lineage. The Earth, after all, is only 5,000 years old, so this is poppycock on the face of it.

Plan-B Teen Sex Cults

On August 24th, the good, honest Christian folk of Murrka™ were defeated by the Islamo-Fascist Democrats who forced the Food and Drug Administration to make the sinister "Plan-B" contraception drug available over the counter without a prescription to adults over the age of 18. Now the good people of Murrka™ must team together to make sure our children aren't sucked into a depraved Liberal lifestyle of Islamo-Fascism and random sex-cultery. Step one? Mandatory prayer in schools. That should take care of it, right?

Glorious War Deaths Finally Surpass 9/11 Deaths

Our Glorious Leader said it himself "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."—Washington, DC, Aug. 5, 2004

As the fifth anniversary of the September 11, 2001, attack on the United States approaches, another somber benchmark has just been passed.

The announcement Sunday of four more U.S. military deaths in Iraq raises the death toll to 2,974 for U.S. military service members in Iraq and in what the Bush administration calls the war on terror.

The 9/11 attack killed 2,973 people, including Americans and foreign nationals but excluding the terrorists. The 9/11 death toll was calculated by CNN.

The comparison between fatalities in the war on terror and 9/11 was drawn last month by Gen. Peter Pace, chairman of the U.S. Joint Chiefs of Staff, during testimony before the Senate Armed Services Committee.

"It's now almost five years since September 11, 2001," Pace said. "And the number of young men and women in our armed forces who have sacrificed their lives that we might live in freedom is approaching the number of Americans who were murdered on 9/11 in New York, in Washington, D.C., and in Pennsylvania."

Of the 2,974 U.S. military service members killed, 329 died in Operation Enduring Freedom and 2,645 in Operation Iraqi Freedom, according to the Pentagon. The total includes seven American civilian contractors working for the military in Iraq.

Of the 329 U.S. military deaths in the Operation Enduring Freedom campaign, 261 occurred in Afghanistan, including many in recent months amid a resurgent Taliban guerrilla campaign. Many British and Canadian troops have also been killed recently as part of the force that is operating against the Taliban in southern Afghanistan.

There's more where those came from, folks. Here's where we separate out you Weak Sisters without the testicular fortitude to carry the fight to the terrorists and fight "Them" over there so we don't have to fight "Them" here! Remember, if we Cut and Run from Iraq, the Terrorists will just follow us home!