Evil Chavez Complains About USA's Patriotic Election Tampering

Evil Venezuelan Dictator-President Hugo Chavez is whining about the United States secretly funneling $24 Million dollars to his opposition. Well, boo hoo hoo. That's what we in America call spreading Democracy, Chavez, and if you don't like it, you can lump it. Why, any country is free to spend any amount of money on other country's elections... that's what Democracy is all about: the guy with the most money wins! Hell, if Chavez wanted, he could funnel $24 Million in secret funds into America's elections! It's not like there's a law against it. Oh, right, there is. Oh well, even so, we Republicans have never complained about this kind of behavior. Oh, right, we have. Errr...

Well, who cares, anyway, dammit? The Monroe Doctrine makes it clear that the Western Hemisphere belongs to Murrka™, and we can do anything with our property that we like. We can set up dictators or pay our pals to take them down in rigged elections, kill elected presidents, or invade their countries and forcibly depose them. Who are these foreigners to complain about the way we keep house? I mean, it's not like we're out to get this guy because he's selling all his oil to China and not to America. Oh, wait, yeah, that is why.

Well, whatever the case, we hope Chavez has gotten the message: don't make us "Allende" you. Shut up about Bolivarian Revolution, stop giving free oil to Cuba, stop hassling the rich people who ran your country for 90 years, just shut up in general. Oh, and sell Murrka™ all your oil at a discount, por favor, or you'll be out of a job, just like Noriega.