Friday, September 15, 2006

Mandatory Government Security Tract Coming Soon

The Minister's new book comes out on October 1st. You should pre-order it at so that you can study up on how to avoid being targeted as an Al Qaeda Suicider looking to hurt Murrka™ and her troops. There is an election coming up, after all, and the Ministry of Homeland Security will be needing to trot forth a few followers of Emmanuel Goldstein in order to rally support for The Party. You don't want that to be YOU do you? Good. Then Pre-Order The Book!

Ex-Nazi Pope Calls Kettle Black

Across the Islamic world Friday, Benedict's remarks on Islam and jihad in a speech in Germany unleashed a torrent of rage that many fear could burst into violent protests like those that followed publication of caricatures of the Prophet Muhammad.

By citing an obscure Medieval text that characterizes some of the teachings of Islam's founder as "evil and inhuman," Benedict inflamed Muslim passions and aggravated fears of a new outbreak of anti-Western protests.

Salih Kapusuz, deputy leader of Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan's Islamic-rooted party, said Benedict's remarks were either "the result of pitiful ignorance" about Islam and its prophet or, worse, a deliberate distortion. "He has a dark mentality that comes from the darkness of the Middle Ages. He is a poor thing that has not benefited from the spirit of reform in the Christian world," Kapusuz told Turkish state media. "It looks like an effort to revive the mentality of the Crusades."
Excellent. Once again religion serves its intended purpose: to confuse and distract the proles. Our operative at the Ministry of Religion has done his job well.

President Calmly Discusses His Need To Torture

Glorious Leader Bush gave a press rant conference today about his desire to torture Murrka's™ enemies. Bush screamed spoke for over an hour, sometimes even shouting at the Media raising his voice to be heard. The Associated Press described him as "animated."

Yes. "Animated" is the word. Not "Petulant" or "Childish" or "Angry." Remember: first See No Evil, then Hear No Evil, and then Report No Evil.

From the AP article:

"It's unacceptable to think there's any kind of comparison between the behavior of the United States of America and the action of Islamic extremists who kill innocent women and children to achieve an objective," said Bush, growing animated as he spoke.
Exactly. America would never kill women or children to achieve an objective. Anyone who says otherwise is a thoughtcriminal.

All Hail Big Brother.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Internet, Videogames, Vampires, Black Clothing, etc. Make Man Go Crazy, Kill 1, Wound 19

Intitially, we thought we'd be running the story of yet another Islamo-Fascist killing innocent white people at the whim of a hat," but the Canadian Police just won't play along and put the story out there now for quiet revocation later. There's an election coming soon, dammit! How are we supposed to scare the proles without Islamo-Fascist terrorists? Feh. Stupid Canadians with their refusing to leap to judgement and blame Islamo-fascists.

Instead, we here at the Ministry have decided to push the internet and videogames components of the story instead. Here, read about this nut driven crazy by all the Porn and Free Expression that liberals put on the internet. Pushed to kill by the evil, lurid videogames that turned him into black trenchcoat wearing Islamo-Vampiro-Fascist with a gun fixations. Just look at Columbine for proof... I mean, the Associated Press obviously did:

MONTREAL (AP) - A man with a black trench coat whose shooting rampage in a Montreal college killed one person and wounded 19 others before he was slain by police said on a blog in his name that he liked to play a role-playing Internet game about the Columbine shootings.

The gunman who opened fire at Dawson College on Wednesday was Kimveer Gill, 25, of Laval, near Montreal, a police official said Thursday, speaking on condition of anonymity because authorities were not ready to announce it publicly yet. He also said police had searched Gill's home.

Six shooting victims remained in critical condition, including two in extremely critical condition.

In postings on a Web site called, blogs in Gill's name show more than 50 photos depicting the young man in various poses holding a rifle and donning a black trench coat and combat boots.

The last of six journal entries Wednesday was posted at 10:41 a.m, about two hours before the gunmen was shot to death at Dawson. He said on the site that he was drinking whiskey in the morning and described his mood the night before as "crazy" and "postal."

At another point, he said he liked to play "Super Columbine Massacre," an Internet-based computer game that simulates the April 20, 1999, shootings at the Colorado high school by two students who killed 13 people and then themselves.

"His name is Trench. you will come to know him as the Angel of Death," he wrote on his profile. "He is not a people person. He has met a handful of people in his life who are decent. But he finds the vast majority to be worthless, no good, conniving, betraying, lying, deceptive."

He wrote that he hates jocks, preppies, country music and hip-hop.

"Work sucks ... school sucks ... life sucks ... what else can I say? ... Life is a video game you've got to die sometime," he added.

Below a picture of Gill aiming the barrel of a gun at the camera there's the inscription: "I think I have an obsession with guns ... muahahaha."

"Anger and hatred simmers within me," said another caption below a picture of Gill grimacing.

He wrote that he is 6-foot-1, was born in Montreal and is of Indian heritage. He said his weakness is laziness and that he fears nothing. Responding to the question, "How do you want to die?" Gill replied "like Romeo and Juliet - or in a hail of gunfire."

Gill wore a black trench coat during the shooting and opened fire in the cafeteria just as Columbine students Dylan Klebold and Eric Harris did in 1999. Gill also maintained an online blog, similar to Klebold and Harris, devoted to Goth culture, heavy metal music such as Marilyn Manson, guns and journal entries expressing hatred against authority figures and "society."

The best part about this AP story is how accurately they peg the behaviors of murderous teenage killers... they ALL wear black clothing, hate bullies, dislike Authority, listen to music, host a blog and play videogames! Many other Liberal News Sources might have considered the fact that these are activities common to ALL teenagers, but not the AP. They know a good story when they see one: Videogames + Music = Murder. One problem... the AP's one mistake is that they didn't make it immediately clear that he (yes, along with everyone else with a videogame console) owns a copy of Grand Theft Auto III, Vice City, or San Andreas. How are we supposed to crack down on thoughtcrime without hysterical press coverage? Think before you write, AP!

Incidentally, if this kid had lived in Murrka™, he would have been checked out long ago... he actually says that he hates hip-hop! But now that our Operative at the appropriate branch of the Ministry of Culture has removed 99% of the political and anti-authority messages from rap music, and replaced them with messages about drinking, sex, money and guns, only antisocial twerps like this guy hate hip hop! That's a clear red flag issue his educators should have raised.

Enemy of the State, Ann Richards, Dies

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) - Former Gov. Ann Richards, the witty and flamboyant Democrat who went from homemaker to national political celebrity, died Wednesday night after a battle with cancer, a family spokeswoman said. She was 73.

You may remember Richards best for her sneering, traitorous comments at the Democratic Convention of 1988 when she referred to then-President George Herbert Walker Bush IV by saying "'Poor George. He can't help it - he was born with a silver foot in his mouth." As all astute political watchers know, it was a desire to avenge this slur which provoked our Glorious Leader George W. Bush Jr. to run for Governor of Texas in 1994, besting Richards 52%-47% in what many consider to be one of the dirtiest gubernatorial campaigns ever. This was to be the Glorious Leader's first campaign of many thus far with Inner Party member Karl Rove controlling the course of events. So every time one of your liberals has something "funny" to say, you might want to remember the lesson of Ann Richards bequeathing you George Bush.

Tis' the Season... For Senatorial Treason!

The Ministry hopes that it's clear to your which of these people has Murrka's™ best interests at heart:

Bush Asks GOP to Back Terror Bills
Sep 14, 12:32 PM (ET)
WASHINGTON (AP) - President Bush visited Capitol Hill Thursday where he conferred behind closed doors with House Republicans on legislation to give the government more power to spy on, imprison and interrogate terrorism suspects.
"I will resist any bill that does not enable this plan to go forward," Bush told reporters back at the White House after his meeting with lawmakers.
Bush's proposals would narrow the U.S. legal interpretation of the Geneva Conventions in a bid to allow tougher interrogations and shield U.S. personnel from being prosecuted for war crimes.
Our Glorious Leader, President Bush wants to torture people and not be prosecuted for so-called war crimes. A clearly reasonable request.

So Why are these liberal traitors standing in opposition to his genial requests?
Senators Challenge Bush's Terror Bill
Sep 14, 12:55 PM (ET)
WASHINGTON (AP) - The White House and three powerful GOP senators reached an impasse Wednesday over a Bush administration plan to allow tough CIA interrogations, underscoring election-season divisions among Republicans on the high profile issue of security.
In a direct challenge to President Bush, Sen. John Warner, chairman of the Armed Services Committee, said his panel would meet Thursday to finalize an alternative to the White House plan to prosecute terror suspects and redefine acts that constitute war crimes. Warner, R-Va., said the administration proposal would lower the standard for the treatment of prisoners, potentially putting U.S. troops at risk should other countries retaliate.
Once again the Liberal Left, as represented by Senators John McCain (R-AZ) and John Warner (R-VA), cave to their liberal hotbed blue constituencies and stand in opposition to a little torture and killing to keep you safe.

Meanwhile, just what the hell is THIS discredited traitor doing opening up his mouth?
But Bush's former secretary of state, Colin Powell, endorsed efforts to block the president's plan.
Powell lent his support to three Republican senators Thursday saying that Congress must not pass Bush's proposal to redefine U.S. compliance with the Geneva Conventions, a treaty that sets international standards for the treatment of prisoners of war.
Powell sent a letter to Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., one of the Republican lawmakers seeking limits to legislation on interrogations, in the latest sign of GOP division over White House security.
"The world is beginning to doubt the moral basis of our fight against terrorism," said Powell, who served under Bush and is a former chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. "To redefine Common Article 3 would add to those doubts. Furthermore, it would put our own troops at risk."
He had his chance to change things from the inside and instead he chose to play pattycake. Now he bites the hand that fed him so well over these many years. Is there no shame?

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Coulter Wigs Out On Hannity & Colmes

This is a textbook example of how Murrkan Hero Sean Hannity continually interrupts his liberal guests. Liberal pushover co-host Alan Colmes was replaced this night by a liberal she-harridan almost as vicious as Hannity. This is odd, because Faux News has a clearly stated policy in place: if Colmes can't make it, get someone lower-key... perhaps from an old-age home or a morgue. The she-harridan and Murrkan Heroine Ann Coulter don't get along. Ann loses her cool and storms off the set. That'll show the liberals!

Rock Star: Super-NO-Va

"Popular" Entertainment Program Rock Star: Supernova the "hard rock" alternative to American Idol in competition for the dollars of Murrka™'s proles, has hit a bit of a snag. Liberal Activist Judges have once again gotten in the way of a good brainwash:

Judge Sides With Original Supernova In 'Rock Star' Suit
Ruling requires Tommy Lee's band to change name following show's finale.

According to a Tuesday (September 12) ruling by San Diego Judge John Houston, the producers of CBS' "Rock Star" are going to have to come up with an alternate name for Supernova, the band made up of Mötle Crüe's Tommy Lee, Voivod's Jason Newsted and former Guns N' Roses guitarist Gilby Clarke.

Last month, the original Supernova — an Orange County, California, punk trio — filed for a preliminary injunction in San Diego's U.S. District Court against CBS Broadcasting, Mark Burnett Productions and Lee, Newsted and Clarke, who are starring in the second season of the reality show. The injunction sought to halt the television-contrived act from performing or recording under the name "Supernova" if the band fails to change or add any words to the moniker.

The injunction keeps the producers of "Rock Star: Supernova" — which concludes Wednesday night — from "performing rock and roll music, or recording, or selling rock and roll music recordings under the same [name], pending a trial of this action on its merits, or until otherwise ordered by the court."

The original Supernova — which formed in 1989 and are perhaps best known for their tune "Chewbacca," from the soundtrack to Kevin Smith's 1994 film "Clerks" — first filed suit against the show's producers in late June. When the group discovered the show's producers' intentions to use Supernova as the name for their supergroup, the band contacted them; negotiations between both sides followed on the heels of the suit's filing. Those talks hit a wall last month, forcing the band to take additional legal action to protect its rights. The filing alleged trademark infringement and sought a jury trial, as well as the eradication of all "labels, signs, prints, packages, wrappers, containers, advertisements, electronic media and other materials bearing the Supernova mark."
Frankly, I can't believe they thought they would win a case like that... the precedent on those types of cases was set down somewhere around the time that caveman Ugg tried to sell cheap imported "Klubb" knock-offs of caveman Brak's trademarked invention "the Club™." If there's one thing in Murrka™ which gets legally protected, it's the copyrights of incorporated entitiies.

Perhaps they could change the name to "Rock Star: Stupidnova"?

Then again, why didn't the Ministry of Culture just title it the more appropriately named "Rock Star: Stupornova" from the get-go? We haven't seen so many stale versions of songs popular in 1994 since... uhm... 1994? And am I the only person to notice how lame the phrase "Voivod's Jason Newsted" looks in print compared to, oh, I dunno, "Jason Newsted of the band Metallica"?

Big Deal, America Has a Few More Terrorists in Secret CIA Prisons

A week after President Bush revealed the existence of the CIA's secret prison system and announced that "there are now no terrorists in the CIA program," a new report says that terror suspects are still being held by the agency in secret locatons.

The Sunday Times of London reported that the British charity Reprieve, which provides legal support for death row prisoners, alleges that "dozens" of terror suspects have just "disappeared."

Reprieve believes many detainees are being held in a form of joint custody, where countries such as Afghanistan provide jail facilities and guards and the CIA supplies the interrogators. It says there are several hundred detainees still at Bagram airbase in Afghanistan, none of whom has been named by the Pentagon.

Among the"disappeared" is Ibn al-Sheikh al-Libi, who is said to have managed one of Osama Bin Laden's training camps in Afghanistan. He was captured in 2002, questioned by the CIA and transferred under America's programme of "extraordinary rendition" to a jail in Egypt. By 2003 he was back in CIA custody and was spotted by several prisoners at Bagram. Since then he has vanished. Aafia Siddiqui, 34, a Pakistani educated at the University of Houston, disappeared in Karachi in 2003. American officials said she was under interrogation but, according to Reprieve, her family knows nothing of her fate.
The Independent reports that there were eight secret prisons used by the United States: "Among the locations were Afghanistan, Qatar, Thailand, the Indian island base of Diego Garcia (leased by the US from Britain) as well as Poland and Romania." The Independent also questions whether all the secret camps have been shut down, and whether all the secret detainees are now at the US prison camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.
First, has the CIA really shut down the "black sites"? Last December, the Human Rights Watch organisation published a list of 26 people it believed were in this system of camps; 13 of them were among those now being moved to Guantanamo. But the other 13 it says it cannot account for.

Then there is the case of Ibn al-Sheikh al-Libi, one of the first high-level suspects placed in CIA custody and reputedly the source of the claims – advanced by Colin Powell at the UN in 2003 in justification of the Iraq invasion – that Saddam Hussein had links with Al Qaeda. That suggestion was again debunked last Friday by a damning Senate Intelligence Committee report. Al-Libi's claim, understood to have been extracted while he was being tortured by Egyptian interrogators, almost certainly added to the doubts about the value of information gained in such circumstances.

There's more in the top link, but who cares? Look, does any real American care if our Government kidnaps and holds people without legal charge or trial in secret prisons? Does anyone not in the pay of Al Qaeda care if the secret agents of our government tortures these people? Why shouldn't CIA officers be allowed to torture and kill these people? Our President has made the decision to kidnap, imprison, torture and kill... America is at war and we shouldn't question our elected President!

Really... would you rather lie in bed at night worrying about your out-of-control Government someday making a mistake and kidnapping, torturing, imprisoning and even killing you... or would you rather lie in bed thinking about how dreamy Toby is and how he's going to make a great addition to the "hit" "band" Supernova? We certainly know which is more comforting, don't we? Just go back to sleep, citizen.

FBI Needs To Grow A Pair

At a Secret CIA Interrogation, Dispute Flared Over Tactics

Washington - Abu Zubaydah, the first Osama bin Laden henchman captured by the United States after the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, was bloodied and feverish when a C.I.A. security team delivered him to a secret safe house in Thailand for interrogation in the early spring of 2002. Bullet fragments had ripped through his abdomen and groin during a firefight in Pakistan several days earlier when he had been captured.

President Bush pointedly cited the capture and interrogation of Mr. Zubaydah in his speech last Wednesday announcing the transfer of Mr. Zubaydah and 13 others to the American detention center in Guantánamo Bay, Cuba. And he used it to call for ratification of the tough techniques employed in the questioning.

But rather than the smooth process depicted by Mr. Bush, interviews with nearly a dozen current and former law enforcement and intelligence officials briefed on the process show, the interrogation of Mr. Zubaydah was fraught with sharp disputes, debates about the legality and utility of harsh interrogation methods, and a rupture between the Federal Bureau of Investigation and the C.I.A. that has yet to heal.

By all accounts, Mr. Zubaydah's condition was rapidly deteriorating when he arrived in Thailand. Soon after his capture, Mr. Zubaydah nearly died of his infected wounds. At one point, he was covertly rushed to a hospital after C.I.A. medical officers warned that he might not survive if he did not receive more extensive medical treatment.

According to accounts from five former and current government officials who were briefed on the case, F.B.I. agents - accompanied by intelligence officers - initially questioned him using standard interview techniques. They bathed Mr. Zubaydah, changed his bandages, gave him water, urged improved medical care, and spoke with him in Arabic and English, languages in which he is fluent.

In Thailand, the new C.I.A. team concluded that under standard questioning Mr. Zubaydah was revealing only a small fraction of what he knew, and decided that more aggressive techniques were warranted.

At times, Mr. Zubaydah, still weak from his wounds, was stripped and placed in a cell without a bunk or blankets. He stood or lay on the bare floor, sometimes with air-conditioning adjusted so that, one official said, Mr. Zubaydah seemed to turn blue. At other times, the interrogators piped in deafening blasts of music by groups like the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

F.B.I. agents on the scene angrily protested the more aggressive approach, arguing that persuasion rather than coercion had succeeded. But leaders of the C.I.A. interrogation team were convinced that tougher tactics were warranted and said that the methods had been authorized by senior lawyers at the White House.

The agents appealed to their superiors but were told that the intelligence agency was in charge, the officials said. One law enforcement official who was aware of events as they occurred reacted with chagrin. "When you rough these guys up, all you do is fulfill their fantasies about what to expect from us," the official said.
Well boo-hoo-hoo... what SHOULD these terrorists expect from George Bush's Murrka™, if not torture? Evidence, accusations, trials, lawyers, judges, all of it completely unnecessary under a Unitary Executive willing to exercise his power. Once The Pary has declared you an enemy combatant, you've lost all rights you might have had as a human being. Anything can and should be done to you at that point. Remember this, the next time you vote. We have to torture them over there so they don't follow us home and torture us here!

Pro-Terrorist Liberals Hate Our Stocks

No channel speaks more to Murrka's freedom than the Faux News Channel. They cover the stories no one else does... just watch this clip from their "Bulls and Bears Gang" financial advice show to see how they're helping us invest our hard-won capital in a Time Of Terror... well, either that or just using their time to bag on Liberals. Bulls and Bears... I can't figure out if this is more Bull-fighting or Bear-baiting, but either way, something's ending up dead... oh, right, Freedom!

Woman charged in murder plot; 'hit man' was informant, indictment says

You can't get good help anymore. Just ask the Newburgh woman charged with hiring a hit man for $50. He turned out to be a confidential informant for the state police, according to an indictment unsealed yesterday in Orange County Court.

Shonelle Melvelle-Grant, 26, is charged with second-degree conspiracy and second-degree criminal solicitation, both felonies. Authorities say she wanted to have a Staten Island resident named Jessica Liriano whacked in the belief that she could then get custody of Liriano's children. The women were friends and used to baby-sit for each other, Senior Assistant District Attorney John Geidel said after the indictment was unsealed.

The plot began to unravel right from the time Melvelle-Grant approached the would-be assassin in November, Geidel said. The "hit man" alerted an undercover state police investigator to the scheme, and both men met with Melvelle-Grant at least four times to work out details of the plot, according to the indictment. The meetings and several phone calls were all taped. Melvelle-Grant made a $50 down payment on the killing. She even drove one of the men to Staten Island, where the would-be victim lives, and gave the "hit man" the target's name, address and phone number, according to the indictment. The final price for the "hit" was never established. "It was being negotiated," Geidel said. Liriano was supposed to be killed on or around Aug. 10. On Aug. 11, Melvelle-Grant was arrested with little fanfare by state police.

She was arraigned in a local court and sent to Orange County Jail, where she was being held in lieu of $100,000 bail. She's due to appear for another arraignment today before County Court Judge Robert Neary.

"We don't know enough to comment at this point," said Sol Lesser, whose New Windsor law firm is defending Melvelle-Grant. "She's insisting that she's not guilty."
Note to members of the Outer Party: you are not allowed access to extra-legal elimination of your enemies. That right is reserved for members of the Inner Party, and for agents of the Ministry of Love and the Ministry of Peace.

Angered Hussein: 'We will crush your heads'

BAGHDAD, Iraq (AP) -- A Kurdish villager testified Tuesday that he fled an attack by Saddam Hussein's forces 18 years ago, leaving behind his mother and two sisters. Years later, their identity cards were discovered in a mass grave, he said.

"Congratulations! you are in a cage, Saddam," witness Ghafour Hassan Abdullah said as he stared at the ousted president. [...]Hussein listened silently to the witness. But he lost his temper when one of the lawyers described Kurdish guerrillas, known here as peshmargas, as freedom fighters.

"You are agents of Iran and Zionism. We will crush your heads," Hussein shouted.

Before the judge cut off his microphone, Hussein demanded that the word peshmarga, Kurdish for sacrifice, be stricken from the trial record. He said the Kurdish guerrillas were rebels and "in any country in the world where there is rebellion, the authorities ask the army to defeat it."
No real jokes here except... "we will crush your heads"? What an unusual yet highly specific threat... like he'd been sitting there for a while considering various types of torture and finally settled on this oddity as the specific punishment required. Ahhh, power... the drug that keeps on giving.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Angelides Sacrifices Female Campaign Worker to Arnold

Arnold "Der Gropenfüher" Schwarzenegger is the Governor of this proud sector of Murrka™ and no tricks Phil Angelides tries will ever change that simple fact.

The campaign of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's Democratic rival acknowledged Tuesday that it downloaded - and leaked to the media - a recording of a private meeting in which the governor described a Hispanic legislator as having a "very hot" personality. Luckily, the Ministry of Homeland Security was able to bring pressure on the Los Angeles Times and force them to remove the audio clip. Sadly, no such luck with which continues to host Der Gropenführer's comments (skip forward to 4:30 into the clip fur der juizy beets).

In a six-minute audiotape obtained by the Los Angeles Times, Schwarnegger's staffers tried to guess Latino legislator Bonnie Garcia's country of origin. Schwarzenegger said her origin didn't matter.

"I mean, they are all very hot. ... They have the, you know, part of the black blood in them and part of the Latino blood in them that together makes it," he says..

Schwarzenegger went on to say his friend, Cuban-born former weightlifter Sergio Oliva, is the same way.

The governor knew a tape recorder was rolling during the meeting.

A spokeswoman for Schwarzenegger said the conversation was in good fun. The remarks, she said, were taken out of context.

Garcia herself said that she is not bothered at all by Schwarzenegger's comments. She said she has an inside joke with the governor in which she calls herself a "hot-blooded Latina" who is passionate about issues.

Garcia also said that she likes Schwarzenegger because he's a straight talker.
What's the big deal? I talk like that at work all the time.

Survivor: Race War Edition Premieres Thursday!

Only two more days until Survivor: Rahowa Islands premieres on the Ministry of Entertainment's Viacom division, sub-branch CBS! Be sure to watch and root for your favorite tribe and buy your tribal buff, whether it be Pure White, Dirty Brown, Wicked Black or Bright Yellow!

Yes, a good time will be had by all, as this season, the tribes will be split up by race! Recent news coverage all focuses on the racial aspect of this tribal division, what it represents for American society and blah blah blah, proving once again the Ministry's ongoing thoughtwar has been carried out perfectly. Yes, only by forcing the people of Murrka™ to focus on the artificial divisions of race and thus divide them and turn them against one another can we continue to distract them from the real battle which has always been going on since the beginning of time. That battle, of course, being poor black, white, & brown people versus rich people.

Luckily all popular entertainment is designed to further exacerbate this artificially constructed "race problem" of America and divert attention away from the "class problem" we don't want the peons to notice. God™ forbid they actually realize what we're up to and turn against us en masse... there aren't enough cops and national guardsmen in the world to prevent the slaughter which would run through the streets of Beverly Hills and Kennebunkport. Fortunately, the thoughtwar has been so perfect that even films which are created by lying liberals like Tim Robbins, such as the upcoming pro-terrorist film Catch A Fire focus on racial divisions instead of the class divisions which truly motivate mankind. Then again, even rich liberals know which side of their bread is buttered, right? Ha!

Of course, when Race War just isn't enough, there's always the promise of Religious War. Ahh, there's always something to manipulate the suckers with. I don't know what I was worrying about... why, our armies of the Lord would surely be enough to strong stop the marauding hordes of the poor... especially since many of them belong in both camps! Oh, the system is brilliant, utterly brilliant. I love Big Brother.

Speaking of Race War...

You really shouldn't worry about the fact that the Ministry Of Peace is recruiting neo-Nazis into our military. These reprobates will only be serving overseas and shooting at dusky-skinned foreigners. True, they do eventually rotate home with their newly learned combat skills, but what's the big deal? It's not like they have anything bad in mind.

"Light infantry is your branch of choice because the coming race war and the ethnic cleansing to follow will be very much an infantryman's war. It will be house-to-house, neighborhood-by-neighborhood until your town or city is cleared and the alien races are driven into the countryside where they can be hunted down and 'cleansed.' As a professional soldier, my goal is to fill the ranks of the United States Army with skinheads. As street brawlers, you will be useless in the coming race war. As trained infantrymen, you will join the ranks of the Aryan warrior brotherhood."
-Steven Barry, former Special Forces officer
Oh, yeah. Well, don't you worry your pretty little head about them... the Ministry of Homeland Security will be using them as an excuse to crack down further on thoughtcrime and freedomthink here in a couple of years. After all, it's the exact same thing we did after we trained Timothy McVeigh to kill! The Party will always need a new enemy to struggle against... it matters not to Big Brother if that enemy comes from within or without, is natural or if we have to create - just so long as there is an enemy to hate for two minutes a day.

Evil Chavez Complains About USA's Patriotic Election Tampering

Evil Venezuelan Dictator-President Hugo Chavez is whining about the United States secretly funneling $24 Million dollars to his opposition. Well, boo hoo hoo. That's what we in America call spreading Democracy, Chavez, and if you don't like it, you can lump it. Why, any country is free to spend any amount of money on other country's elections... that's what Democracy is all about: the guy with the most money wins! Hell, if Chavez wanted, he could funnel $24 Million in secret funds into America's elections! It's not like there's a law against it. Oh, right, there is. Oh well, even so, we Republicans have never complained about this kind of behavior. Oh, right, we have. Errr...

Well, who cares, anyway, dammit? The Monroe Doctrine makes it clear that the Western Hemisphere belongs to Murrka™, and we can do anything with our property that we like. We can set up dictators or pay our pals to take them down in rigged elections, kill elected presidents, or invade their countries and forcibly depose them. Who are these foreigners to complain about the way we keep house? I mean, it's not like we're out to get this guy because he's selling all his oil to China and not to America. Oh, wait, yeah, that is why.

Well, whatever the case, we hope Chavez has gotten the message: don't make us "Allende" you. Shut up about Bolivarian Revolution, stop giving free oil to Cuba, stop hassling the rich people who ran your country for 90 years, just shut up in general. Oh, and sell Murrka™ all your oil at a discount, por favor, or you'll be out of a job, just like Noriega.

Evil Chavez Trying To Rig American Elections

I was just reminded by the Minister for New History that the reason that the Ministry disapproves of Hugo Chavez is that he's secretly rigging the voting machines of America to throw the next election to an enemy of our Glorious Leader, George W. Bush.

Yes, that causes consternation here because we've spent the last few years telling the common herd that all voting machines are fair, legal and without fault or problem. The idea that we now have to somehow convince the cattle that voting machines from Sequoia are faulty and rigged while simultaneously pretending that the voting machines owned by our allies at DIEBOLD are not rigged in the favor of the Republican party is causing no end of headaches on the job. Ugh. Luckily, that's why Lord Orwell invented the miraculous invention of doublethink. We'll soon have those chumps believing both things at once, no doubt! Life is doubleplusgood.

Saddam Still Responsible

The evil liberal news media is trying to spread the rumor that President Bush denied a connection between the 9/11 Attacks and Saddam Hussein. Well, try all they like, but our president did nothing of the sort! Here's what our Glorius Leader actually said:

"I am often asked why we are in Iraq when Saddam Hussein was not responsible for the 9/11 attacks."
It's very clear from this statement that President Bush is merely repeating the LIES that those who dare question him ask. He is NOT making a statement that there is no connection between Saddam and 9/11. Hell, everyone knows that Saddam Did It! If you need more proof, just look at this definitive proof discovered in Iraq:

Many Happy Returns

The Mandatory Grief Orgy has passed! Now we can relax and get back to the essential work of preparing to rig the 2006 elections.

We've been getting the citizenry used to yearly outpourings of grief on the 9/11 anniversary in a number of ways; hightened terror alerts, diverted planes, rumors of impending anniversary-timed terror attacks (all this despite the fact that Muslims don't observe anniversaries of any sort and use a different calendar than America does. Why undermine the grief orgy and terror paranoia with facts?) and more. You might wonder at why we do this, but the answer should be as clear as the nose on your face. Just read George Orwell's "1984" –– with the grief-orgy comes a equal and opposite love-orgy, naturally!

Yes, I refer to Orwell's "Two Minutes Hate," a daily period in which Party members of the society of Oceania must watch a film depicting The Party's enemies (notably Emmanuel Goldstein) and express their hatred for them and the principles of democracy. The film and its accompanying auditory and visual cues (which include a grinding noise that Orwell describes as "of some monstrous machine running without oil") are a form of brainwashing, attempting to whip Party members into a frenzy of hatred and loathing for Emmanuel Goldstein and the current enemy superstate. It's common for those caught up in the hate to physically assault the telescreen. The movie, as it progresses becomes more surreal, with Goldstein's face morphing into a sheep as enemy soldiers advance on the viewers, before one such soldier charges at the screen, machine gun blazing. He morphs, finally, into the face of Big Brother at the end of the two minutes. At the end, the mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted viewers chant "BB" over and over again, ritualistically.

In our case, Dear Reader, we have the Murrkan™ Citizenry ritualistically chant "Dubya! Dubya!"

Err... you ARE cleared to be reading this page, correct? You're a member of the Upper Party? Wheh. Thought I might have let the cat out of the bag there.

Anyway, Orwell's Two Minutes Hate was extremely conservative in its time-restraints, which we here at the Ministry of Homeland Security can only put down to relatively poor worker productivity –– they obviously couldn't spare their drones for more than two minutes at a time! America, on the other hand, or Murrka™ as newsspeak would have it, has the most productive workers on earth. We here at the Ministry of Homeland Security ve managed to crank our Hate Time up to one full day with a few lead-in days of Corporate Sponsored Propaganda and a number of days of slanted "news" coverage. We've even managed to get America's Sweetheart™ to spin for us! Yes, it's a glorious time to be working for the Ministry.

Next year, we're hoping to equal Orwell's "Hate Week," a weeklong event designed to increase the hatred for the current enemy of the Party, whichever of the two opposing superstates that may be. During one particular Hate Week, Oceania switched allies, though the disruption was minimal: the posters against the previous enemy were deemed to be "sabotage" of Hate Week conducted by Emmanuel Goldstein and his supporters, summarily torn down by the crowd, and quickly replaced with propaganda against the new enemy, thus demonstrating the interchangeability of the two other superstates, and the ease with which the Party directs the hatred of its members. All members of Oceania must show appropriate enthusiasm during hate week as well as two minutes hate, ensuring that they are very against the opposing party and still very much allied with Big Brother. Orwell's Hate Week was officially celebrated from April 4th to April 10th... we'll be holding ours next year from September 4th to September 11th. In 2008, expect Hate Week to be expanded again from September 1st all the way through November 4th (Election Day). I don't have to tell you the electoral bonuses that will reap, haw haw!

Long Live Big Brother!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Is It Over Yet?

The Ministry hopes you're drawing the correct conclusions: grief and sympathy turned to violence and rage against the faceless enemy which maintains the status quo power structure and increases the amounts of money spent on war. Got all that? Good, back to your sobbing... or are you an UnAmerican?

The Democrats Have Politicized 9/11

On Fox News Sunday, William Kristol attacked Democrats for "turn[ing] every event, including now the fifth anniversary of 9-11, into a partisan fight," and claimed that it is "a totally false charge that [President Bush] has played the politics of fear." Kristol also claimed that Bush "has never said a word about the Clinton administration. He has never tried to blame past [national security] failures on them."

Media Matters once more goes out of its way to "prove" otherwise, using quotes from Glorious Leaders Bush and Cheney, and off-the-record comments from Bush Administration aides urging Republicans to "spread the word about [the president's] aggressive speech by talking about it in the context of the election." The message: Republicans are strong, and Democrats are weak."

Eh. Not as subtle as the Ministry would have liked, but again, as we all know, catapult the propaganda enough times and the doublethink will kick in: Bush is Good, Democrats are bad and 2+2=5.

Besides, we should always remember that it's LIBERALS who don't care about America. For proof, just look at these East Coast Liberals on 9/11/2001: